Nearing the end

For our first discussion of Sag Harbor we started off by simply discussing the ways in which Benji presents the opening of his summer. This was one of the most open-ended discussions we’ve had in class yet to date, and soon enough it had drifted entirely away from the book and simply into the realm of all things summer. It didn’t take long for my mind to wander (sorry Mr. Mitchell), and pretty soon I was thinking of all the wonderful things that I might get up to once school was out for the year. Tuning back in, however, I picked up on the theme of the conversation going towards the very things I had been daydreaming about. We all agreed that part of what makes the excitement of the start of summer what it is, is the promise of a new phase in which we can hope to improve ourselves. Whether it’s reading that book you’ve been meaning to, getting those extra runs in, or finding a job for yourself, Summer brings with it the poetential of an entirely new set opportunities.

On that day I was certainly feeling it, and was quite ready for summer to begin, but as the book progressed I was struck by an entirely opposite feeling. I’m of course talking about a feeling of nostalgia. I get it from many books, simply because I wish so badly I could live in the world they help me immerse myself in, but this was entirely different. The sense of longing that I got from Benji’s visit to his childhood house made me think back to my own childhood, and what it was like. Lots of it consisted of thoughts of what my elementary and junior high days were like, but even before that I thought back to what my life was like before I moved to Urbana. It still seems like a simpler and happier time, when I spent most of my time playing with friends, and running amuck in parks. Maybe everyone has similar memories of their pre-adolescent childhood, but for me Benji’s account of his childhood memories really struck a nerve.

Perhaps more pertinent to my current situation though, is how Benji reacts to the end of his summer. Maybe this is a little bit backwards, since my summer is just about to begin and his was just about to end, but I think there is a certain basic similarity to the phases, by which both summer and a school year progress.  Both start out with you setting your sights high and being ready for some serious self remodeling, and as they come to an end you wonder where all that has gone. Such is the progression of each, and this school year has proven no different for me.

Unlike years past however, I feel much less as though my summer is one of so many more that will come with as much time as I could want. Honestly, much like Benji I’m starting to feel as though this stage of my life is coming to an end. Obviously this feeling isn’t so dramatic as it would be were I a graduating senior, but it’s starting to feel less and less like the next stage of my high school career is up next, and more and more like I’m nearing the end of some stage of my life. Of course I’m starting to look ahead to what’s to come after high school, but at the same time it makes me think back to what I was like even two years ago. I can’t help but compare what I was like as a freshman or subbie to those I see roaming the halls. Similarly to Benji I’m realizing it’s a strange feeling to realize you’re no longer the upcoming generation, but instead a member of the fabled upperclassmen who are preparing to leave. Still I have one more year, in which I’m sure I’ll have even more thorough reflections back on who I was, even this year.

Can you feel it?

Throughout Sag Harbor the main character, Benji, usually doesn’t portray his teenagehood as being a particularly happy time in his life. Older Benji—or Ben, maybe—certainly describes himself on the whole as having been an extremely awkward person. While I actually like Benji quite a lot, and don’t think him an especially awkward person in reality, I still understand that dynamic between older and younger self pretty well. This being said, there is one scene in which we see dynamic absent from the narrative.

In Breathing Tips of Great American Beat Boxers a main theme throughout the chapter is Benji’s efforts to win himself admittance into a local nightclub, where a famous musical group, U.T.F.O, would be playing. Benji’s friends are also trying to get in, and have their own plan for how to do so, but aren’t letting Benjie in on it. As a result Benji has to try and fight his own way in, but in the end it proves not to be a problem at all. The bouncer lets them in without any trouble, and suddenly Benji finds himself amidst the very diverse crowd, which makes up the occupants of the Bayside Night Club.

At first, he and NP are both pretty nervous about their surroundings. They’re quite aware of how young they look and that they shouldn’t even be allowed there. Fairly quickly though, they start to realize that they haven’t really got anything to worry about.

No one looked at me. I was one of them on the dance floor and they were one of me. I jostled, was jostled in turn, collision as communication: I am here, we’re here together. The bass bounced my shirt on my chest. My elbow mashed the rib cage of this forty-something white lady in a green metallic jumpsuit and when I turned to apologize, she simply smiled and continued swaying to the music. (218)

For once we see Benji somewhere that he really doesn’t feel self conscious about himself at all. Throughout the entire novel we inhabit the mind of this kid who experiences a fair bit of social anxiety, and seems to always be quite aware of where he fits in to the social hierarchy. He feels he’s always been at the bottom, but in this instance we don’t see any of that. Instead he feels the collective identity of being part of a dancing crowd that really allows him to loosen up and just have fun without being afraid of what anybody else thinks.

I think almost everyone is familiar with what this dynamic to some degree, and for me it was a really nice section to read, where I can recognize just what the happiness that Benji is feeling is like. He really does seem to be quite happy and at peace with himself, and Whitehead sets up anticipation for what’s going to come next very well. This is where he leaves it, however. We never actually find out what the show is like, all we get is Ben (the older narrator) asking us “Can you feel it? “ right before the chapter ends.

Personally I’m kind of glad that this is how the chapter ends. The fact that in this one instance we’re addressed in the present tense gives us a sense that this is one of few feelings and experiences from his adolescence that Ben still loves, even as a grown man. Even more importantly though, is what his leaving us hanging does to enhance the feeling. The great thing about literature as an art form is the way in which it allows our imaginations to fill in all the scenarios. A descriptive writer helps us better craft a story in our heads, but ultimately it comes down to you to decide what the story is like. His cliffhanger of “can you feel it?” leaves us only with a sweet sense of anticipation of what’s to come that allows us to let our imaginations roam, which for me is a much more enjoyable result than if he had tried to use words to describe what it was like. 

BB Gang Violence

As a novel, Sag Harboor is for the most part fairly innocent, at least in the grand scheme of all books. Benji lives a life that's fairly sheltered--something that plays a role in his search for character--but as a result the material that it covers doesn't deal with anything particularly dark. Indeed part of the struggle that Benji and his friends face in their process of coming of age is that they don't experience the "street" side of life as African Americans. That being said, there is a section of the novel that takes a surprisingly dark turn towards its end. In the chapter, The Gangsters, we see an example of social commentary by Whitehead on a fairly touchy matter, which is gun violence in black youth. In this novel that specifically deals with Benji being a member of the middle class, I think it's especially important to note a section where he gives very personally relevant thoughts on gun-violence, which is usually associated with lower class families.

To start the chapter off we hear about the introduction of guns into Benji's group of friends, and at first I thought he meant the real deal. It took me a few pages to really figure out what he was talking about, because at first he only says, "The first gun was Randy's" (121). He doesn't make any kind of clarification as to what type of a gun this until a couple pages after he first mentions their appearance. The first point at which we find out that it's actually a BB Rifle is as Benji comes across Randy and NP, who have just shot a robin. As he says, "Randy grinned and held up the BB rifle to show it off. It looked real, but that was the point. If it looked real, you could pretend it was real, and if you had a real fun you could pretend to be someone else" (123). Already we're introduced to the idea of guns with a pretty ominous scene. Still, I think Whitehead's use of BB guns as opposed to real guns has a point, but I think that's also tied to his constant switching between use of the term "gun" and "BB gun".

By introducing BB guns, as opposed to real guns, Whitehead create a certain amount of innocence with respect to their use. Supposedly the whole idea of a BB gun is that it shoots something, and looks like a real gun, but it's not supposed to be able to actually do any real harm. By doing so he's able to introduce  the group to the idea of guns and the image that's associated with them, but without actually introducing them to the danger that a real gun brings with it. This even allows the boys to justify shooting at one another at the end of the chapter. They don't feel as though there's any real danger in their actions, and that's the point.

This is where Benji's blend of the two different terms comes in to play. Older Benji--the one is supposedly narrating this story--has already lived through whatever gun violence may have come next, and now looking back on the event sees no distinction between the idea of a real gun and a BB gun. To him their both guns and both dangerous, and what this does is that it sets up a comparison between how seriously the younger boys take the matter of gun violence, and how seriously older Benji takes it. For him the BB guns were just an illusional of safety that allowed the boys to become infatuated with the image of power that the possession of a gun brings with it. For Benji the BB that gets stuck in his head is a reminder of the dangerous illusion of power and safety that guns bring with them, and what that can do to people.